Me: Oops. Sorry, didn’t see you there. I was reading a fantastic book. It had explosions and evil plots to take over the world!
Me: Of course. I love blowing stuff up. Don’t you? Of course they don’t let me do it very often. I have to practice on sausages. People don’t mind exploded sausages half as much as exploded socks and teddy bears and stuff. They don’t let me cook very often for some reason.
Reader: I have noooo idea why.
Me: That’s what I always say. My cooking is fabulous. My custard is legendary.
Reader: Legendary for what?
Me: Well… Everyone always says it is very unique. No one can make custard quite like mine. Even Dad agrees that he’s never seen anything quite like it. And he’s a really good cook.
Reader: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Me: People are in two minds about that. Some people apparently don’t like custard that is lumpy, burnt and thin all at the same time. And when I try harder to make thick creamy custard, I do get complaints that they need knives to cut it with it.
Reader: Perhaps they have a point. Custard is supposed to be eaten with a spoon.
Me: I guess so. But I’m great at other things. Take my introductory post for instance.
Reader: What introductory post?
Me: Um, I haven’t written it yet. But when I do it will be legendary. I’m having problems introducing myself. I’m just such an amazing person with so many good points that I can’t decide which to tell my adoring fans about.
Reader: So…this wasn’t your introductory post then?